I spent most of my day downtown with Cecelia, one of my very dear friends who is leaving to teach in the literal middle of nowhere for an entire calendar year.
One of the best things about our 7+ year friendship is that Cecelia has always been very loving when it comes to my honestly ridiculous moments of panic or moments of self improvement. Whether or not I follow through on anything, she’s always supportive.
I told her about this idea, the idea that I feel like tree that never made it out of the winter, that I never really met myself in terms of my desires or genuine preferences in life.
She was patient, encouraging, and supportive. We went to Anthropologie after having coffee at to separate shops (we’re from Seattle, okay…) and browsed the sale section while talking about this idea.
It isn’t the idea of needing to know what you want for the sake of having something to want. It’s knowing to know, not necessarily knowing to have had.
There were little eight packs of stationary on sale, one with a B, my initials. I told her about one of the women I work with who had recently left for another company, about how she wrote everyone little thank you notes, just a sweet gesture. I value gestures like that, I value taking a moment of effort to show someone you care.
I bought the cards so that I can use them, so I can live out my preference for being the kind of person who stops and appreciates.
We went downstairs to check out and we were looking at jewelry for awhile, talking about our friend group and growing up with different styles and how we come into ourselves more and more every year.
There were little bottles of scent on a circular platform, obviously placed as options for a last minute impulsive purchase. I try to avoid things like that (preference: I like to shop with intention) but one of them was a bottle of rose water. I used to buy my mother rose-scented candles and soaps because I loved the way they smell.
I spritzed a little of the rose water on the cuff of my sweater and for some reason, I knew. I didn’t need a little bottle of rose scent, but I wanted it. If there is anything in my life that is going to make me smell a certain way, I prefer rose. I prefer it to candied scents from Victoria’s Secret. Rose, and Marc Jacob’s Daisy, are the scents that I prefer to wear.
Baby steps, baby scents, baby stationary.